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10 Crazy Beauty Products You Never Knew You Needed
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BIAL
Massage Facial Massager, $5.89 at Amazon
Yes, it looks pretty darn weird, but hey, who doesn’t love a good facial massage? This beauty tool has an unbelievable — literally unbelievable — host of benefits, including creating a "graceful" and "exquisite" face curve, increased elasticity of skin, double chin removal, enhancement of jawline and improved blood flow to the face. Who wants to go first?
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Anti Wrinkle Mouth Piece
Face Slimmer, $2.18 at Amazon
No, this is not a costume piece nor a torture device. It is, in fact, a face slimmer. Who knew slim faces were in such high demand? If you can manage to dedicate three whole minutes of your life to this mouthpiece every day, the manufacturer claims you will find new facial strength and a slimmer look.
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KOLIGHT
Anti Wrinkle Half Face Slimming Cheek Mask, $6.99 at Amazon
This totally nonthreatening face mask is supposed to be worn for 30 to 50 minutes daily to give a nice contour to your face. That’s a fair amount of time to channel Hannibal Lecter, but don’t worry, you can engage in any activity of your choice while wearing this. May we recommend checking up on your neighbors?
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Kiss i.ENVY
Brow Stamp Kit, $7.97 at Amazon
Looking to speed up your eyebrow game or get those perfectly symmetrical brows you’ve always pined for? Kiss i.ENVY has just the product for you. Just powder up your stamps, press them on and look out world, here you come!
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Fullips
Lip Plumping Enhancer, $19.99 at Amazon
Is it really so crazy to suction your lips, like you might a clogged toilet or sink? If we’re being totally honest here, it can’t be much worse than injecting syringes of collagen into your lips (especially at a few hundred bucks a pop). Not only is this a cheaper and less invasive alternative, results are guaranteed and the brand's customer service is extra friendly! "Getting suction at first can be tricky. If you have trouble contact us, we can help! Size is also important, we can help with that too!"
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Fresh Body
Fresh Breasts, $12.99 at Fresh Balls
Tired of how unfresh your breasts are? Us, too. Thank goodness for this super rad lotion that is scientifically proven to keep our girls dry and chafe-free because, you know, chafed boobs are a real issue these days.
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Betty Beauty
Fun Betty Hot Pink (Rose), $29.95 at Amazon
Who doesn’t want to dye their cash and prizes hot pink? Not only is this hair dye specially formulated for your nether regions, but it will last you a full four to five weeks. Both economical and fun! We wonder why we haven’t sought this out before. Of note: If you live on Catalina Island you are straight outta luck as Amazon will not ship any pube dye there. Sorry, folks.
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OMNI
Iron Massager, $119.90 at eBay
Literally an iron for your face, the OMNI iron is said to stretch and extend your skin to avoid the accumulation of wrinkles. Unlike Western cultures that foolishly rely on creams and lotions for wrinkle fixes, the Japanese beauty industry tackles loosening muscles by putting them to work.
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Tweezerman
Smooth Finish Facial Hair Remover, $20 at Tweezerman
OK, so this one actually is available at Sephora and has some fairly good reviews to boot. Just like your super boring regular pair of tweezers, this bad boy gets rid of unwanted hairs on your neck, chin, cheeks and upper lip. Be warned: If you watch Tweezerman’s demo video, you'll probably start to wonder if you could use this on your cat.
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Footner
Exfoliating Socks, $15.99 at Amazon
Ever wonder what it’s like to recover from foot surgery? Or perhaps you’ve wondered what it’s like to have baby soft feet. Well, Footner is here to give you a chance at just that. Be careful not to slip as you waddle around for an hour each day.
