You’ve had a rough week: you didn’t get the promotion you wanted, you just changed your relationship status to “single” and your cat is sick. And to make matters worse, your Facebook feed is filled with photos of your friends on exotic vacations, showing off engagement rings and landing glamorous new jobs. Hm. So how do you stop yourself from being jealous of others and put an end to your chronic dissatisfaction? Simple, by deciphering their Facebook statuses to see what they are really trying to say. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling better in no time.
The Single City Girl
Status: Sat on my balcony soaking up the view.
Truth: I’m on minimum wage in one of the world’s most expensive cities, so balcony actually means fire escape facing the alley and an apartment the size of a shoe box.
Status: Choices, choices, choices, where shall I dine out tonight?
Truth: Probably cheap Chinese takeout (again) or somewhere that accepts coupons.
Status: Off on another date tonight — too many hot guys, too little time!
Truth: There are too many single guys and too many girls in this city, so nobody wants a relationship. I’m sick of dating!
Status: OMG, did Harry Styles really just stroll into my office?!
Truth: Yes, and I wasn’t allowed within a million feet of him… Except to make his security team some coffee.
Status: Love free business lunches!
Truth: I have to work from 9 a.m. until late with no overtime pay, and I never take a lunch break… So, the one-off paid lunch is a miracle!
The Married Mom
Status: Finally finished decorating our own dream home #HappyEverAfter.
Truth: The mortgage is crippling us, and I give it two days max before one of the kids scribbles all over the walls.
Status: Fine dining with my other half — got the babysitter in.
Truth: We have one date night per month and we’re spending it at pizza and a movie. The Ritz is on hold until the mortgage is paid and the kids are thirty!
Status: Three little angels and another one on the way #Blessed.
Truth: I’m exhausted. He’s always at work. I need a vacation — alone!
Status: Extended family holiday booked, so excited!
Truth: I really need a break, and now I have to spend it being nice to the mother-in-law from hell.
Status: While the kids are away, Mommy and Daddy can play.
Truth: We’re too exhausted for sex, so we’re spending the night watching TV.
