You’ve done it — you’ve committed to spending anywhere from $10 to $200 a month on a gym membership. It’s going to be amazing. Classes galore, tons of machines, TVs and Jacuzzis to relax your tired muscles. So you dig through your things, find your running shoes, a sports bra, a T-shirt and some leggings. You’re so ready to change your life.
There’s only one problem. Other people have memberships at the same gym. Other people who, unlike you, see courtesy as an optional thing when they’re trying to get their “workout” on. You may not know the types yet, but you will. And if you’re a veteran gym member, you’re definitely going to know whom we’re talking about. Here are the seven types of chicks at the gym we wish would stay at home, since it’s hard enough to get motivated six months in, and they certainly don’t help.
The Bestie
She’s like the best partner anyone could hope for. She spots her man and her best friend, accompanying them wherever their workout demands. She’s in yoga (whispering and giggling up a storm) and she’s partnered up at the treadmills, making sure two of the six machines are being occupied for exactly the same amount of time. And she’d never be so rude as to remind her gym buddy they’ve passed the allotted time limit. Because she’s the best.
The Way-Too-Slow Burner
She could be 85 or 25. It’s hard to tell given how slowly she’s pedaling that bike and rowing that machine. She thinks she’s the only one who knows she’s staying on it to catch the end of Entertainment Tonight or Keeping Up with the Kardashians. In fact, for her, going to the gym is how she saves on cable.
Lululemon‘s Gift to Yoga Class
This woman can do no wrong. Perfect poses, perfect flexibility and with a body that still looks amazing, even through those see-through yoga leggings, she’s the career gym class goer. She doesn’t work and she sort of wants everyone to know by way of her enormous wedding ring she never takes off and her high-end gear. If she tries to talk to you, we recommend having a little fun talking up your oil baron husband who’s always out of town, because that’s what she’ll be gabbing about.
The Pickup Artist
Full face of makeup, check. Hoop earrings because studs would make more sense, check. Hot pink everything, also check. It’s important that everyone knows her hair is enviably long, which is why she lets it swing to and fro in a ponytail. She’s not there to exercise, she’s there to meet her next boyfriend (or husband). She peruses the free weights like an African cat stalks a gazelle. She never picks up so much as a dumbbell because she might ruin her mani. She has no clue how ridiculous she looks when she decides to authenticate her efforts with 10 minutes on the treadmill. She thinks she’s glowing when she’s actually just melting off the colors on her face.
Deaf and Oblivious
She has her Beats headphones on, so she’s ready for some serious…music listening. So much so that she feels the need to turn up the volume so everyone around her can hear the latest and greatest top 40 hits. Because we don’t hear them enough on the radio, and neither does she.
Towel Girl
There’s more than one version of this lovely lady. She could be the one who won’t use a towel, leaving you touching handlebars that are wet with her perspiration or she could be the girl who seems to think she’s not only paid for a membership, but a workout maid service that other members might be part of. That’s the only reason we can think of to explain why she drops a sweaty towel on whatever machine she used last, preferring to pick up a fresh one in the next area.
Text and Tread
She just makes us nervous. Having enough etiquette not to talk on her cell, she thinks texting is the better way to go. And we’re waiting for her to drop the phone or accidentally walk off the treadmill at any moment.
